DO YOU NEED NEW FRIENDS?by PaulMartinelli Admin
Let me tell you about a friend of mine. Let’s call her Jane. Jane had an interesting experience in recent weeks past, and I thought it could serve as a great lesson for all of us.
In our upcoming Facebook Live Teaching on the Empowered Living Facebook Group TODAY at 7pm (ET), Roddy and I are going to be teaching on the principles of influence, particularly pertaining to building your business, and so I wanted to prelude this lesson with an example of how understanding and applying the power of influence can propel you forward, or how ignorance of it can seriously hold you back.
Back to my friend, Jane.
Jane has been on an incredible growth journey. She has made drastic changes in every area of her life, starting with her inward self. Over the last few years, I have watched Jane take intentional steps to create a life that she desires, a life that aligns with her dreams and her purpose. It has not been easy. In fact, there have been a lot of challenges that she has faced. She has left a marriage that was trapping her and holding her back, she has moved across the country, she has reprogrammed her mind to let go of the paradigms from her upbringing that told her she couldn’t be, do, and have what it is that she wanted. And she has stuck with it. She has walked the talk. I have seen her grow in her self-confidence, her self-awareness, and her self-assurance that she has what it takes to live the life she desires. And the results show in her life.
So, what does all of this have to do with influence.
Well, Jane has an interesting story that is probably not so different than a lot of you who are on this growth journey. When Jane made the decision a few years ago to delve into this realm of personal growth and development, half of her family was on board with her, and the other half went into full resistance mode.
“The other half” didn’t like the choices Jane was making. They didn’t like how she was rejecting the very limiting beliefs of her upbringing. They didn’t like how she was choosing to let go of some restrictive religious family customs. And you know, I think most of all, they didn’t like how happy she was becoming. Jane’s new life represented everything that they believed was wrong. It represented everything that they didn’t have. And the seeds of resentment started growing, sprouting into manifestations of resistance, and finally coming to a head in full revenge.
It was confusing for Jane, because her family claimed the importance of family, and the importance of supporting each other, and expressing love and compassion towards one another… Well, it appears they believe that for everyone BUT their own family members who decide to walk a different path.
So, there was a big family function that took place in recent weeks past. This was the first official family gathering since Jane’s own growth journey had really skyrocketed to new levels in the last few years. This was the first time she would be with her whole family since her divorce, a decision that was deeply frowned upon by “the other half.”
But Jane knew she would go into it with her head held high. She knew within herself who she was and whose she was. She resolved that no matter what anyone thought of her, said to her, or did to her, she was going to express her authentic self and she was going to remain true to what she knew to be HER truth. And she knew she was going to support the members of her family who HAD stuck with her.
Something else you need to know about Jane. She is an unassuming, incredibly warm, and welcoming person. She is the kind of person that people enjoy being around, because she makes you feel comfortable, she makes you feel accepted, she makes you feel valued. She’s not an easy person to hate.
So off she goes to this family function, feeling calm and self-assured, knowing within herself that SHE is going to be just fine.
When Jane was telling me about this afterward, I almost laughed because what took place at the function was so utterly ridiculous.
Her entire family was there, and she has quite a large family. Upon Jane’s entrance, aside from the cursory greeting, not a single person from “the other half” said anything to her. Not a word. They didn’t ask her how she was doing. They didn’t ask her how her kids were. They didn’t ask her how her work was going. Not a single conversation, not a single word. Oh, how deep the roots of resentment go.
If you’ve ever been to my Turning Point seminar, you have heard my teaching on the 3 R’s – Resentment, Resistance, and Revenge. “The other half” was in full resistance and revenge mode. It’s incredible how a low level of awareness coupled with the 3 R’s can play itself out in a group that is supposed to be all about “family values.”
So, what does all of this have to do with influence, you might be asking?
Well, Jane grew up in a poor home. Her family struggled. And the pattern of struggle has continued. “The other half” continues to live a life of struggle. Jane, on the other hand, has worked hard to improve her financial conditions. And in a relatively short period of time, she has done that in a big way. She doesn’t flaunt it, but it is evident in her life.
So, let me just think to myself here. If I was struggling, and I saw my sister, or my daughter, or my niece really start to improve her conditions, I might just think to myself, “wait a second… if Jane can do that, maybe she can help me do that too… I don’t want to live in struggle… I want to be able to provide more for my family… maybe there’s a way out for me too.”
That’s not such a far reach, is it? I don’t think so…
And if I was in that position, thinking those things, what do you think would be a good starting point. Well, perhaps being kind, courteous, and friendly. Maybe genuinely asking how she’s doing and starting to glean some understanding of how it is that she has managed to turn her life around so quickly. I think smiling would be a good start.
How do you influence someone to get them to do what it is that you want? Not in a manipulative way. It’s what Napoleon Hill talked about in Think and Grow Rich: “I will induce others to serve me because of my willingness to serve others.”
That’s a pretty powerful idea. Influence begins with a servant’s heart. Influence begins with a desire to add value to others first. Influence begins with a genuine love and care for the well-being of others.
None of us can do this journey alone. You can’t build a successful business without a team to support you. You can’t build a successful business without paying clients who you are committed to delivering value to. You cannot reach your highest goals and dreams without the involvement of other people. Period. End of Story.
But Jane’s family… “the other half”… had no conception of this. Or their minds were completely clouded with their own limiting beliefs and misconceptions about right and wrong, that they sabotaged one of the best opportunities in front of them – their connection with Jane.
You see, since this family function, Jane has pretty much resolved in her mind that the only time she will ever choose to be with that side of her family again will be at a funeral. Life is short. We don’t know how many grains of sand we have in the top of the glass. And I know Jane wants to spend her time with people who accept her, who support her, who champion her dreams, without fear of judgement and scorn.
So, let me impress two things upon you. First, don’t be a doormat. If you are spending time with people who tear you down and hold you back, who belittle your dreams and who tell you you’ll never be able to do that, it’s time to find new friends. Even if it’s your family… you need new friends. Don’t fall into the trap of obligation, just because it’s your family. Don’t be afraid to step out and find a new circle. Connect here in our Empowered Living community and let us be your support network, let us champion you and your dreams.
And secondly, learn the art of influence. There are few things that will get you further in life than understanding and applying the art of influence. I’m serious. You will need other people’s help along the way, and if you understand the psychology and the art of influence, it will go a long way in helping you achieve what it is that you desire to achieve.
I look forward to spending this evening with you on our Empowered Living FacebookLive at 7pm (ET). If you are new to our community and have not yet signed up for the free 48-hour replay, be sure to do that HERE.
I believe in you and I believe in your dream!!
Hold Your Image!!