Asking the right sales questions is important. A study by Fisher and Patton for the book Getting to Yes showed that a “Why?” question escalates conflict in negotiations. You might think that asking someone “Why” is an innocent way to learn more about them and their situation, but the reality is that usually isn’t true.

Sales and negotiations are cousins. They are in the same family. Whether you’re selling to someone or negotiating with them, you want them to feel comfortable. When you ask “Why” questions, you can make your prospect feel defensive.

It can seem like you’re questioning their decisions or competence, which will break rapport instantly and you will likely never be able to recover from this type of break in rapport.

You never want to make the person you are speaking to feel like they have done something wrong, that they need to answer for themselves or their past, or that you are accusing them of something. You may not feel like you’re doing that when you ask a “Why” question, but there’s a good chance that you’re making them feel that way.

Here are a few seemingly innocent sales questions that will almost certainly make the person you’re speaking to get defensive:

• “Why did your team fail in its last bidding process?”
• “Why have you waited until now to make a change?”
• “Why is this your best option?”

You might just be trying to gather information as one of your sales techniques, but they’ll see it as you questioning what they’ve done in the past.

Anytime we ask a “Why” question, we are asking the other person to defend or justify their position. These questions often sound accusatory or critical. They can make a person feel uncertain as well. This isn’t what you want.

Unless you have massive rapport with the other person, which is rarely the case in the early intelligence gathering phase, asking “Why” questions will turn the person off and they will move from partner to adversary.

Consider these scenarios:

• “Why did your project miss the deadline?”
• “Why haven’t you implemented this solution yet?”

These questions can make the prospect feel cornered, leading to responses that are defensive rather than open and informative. They’ll likely respond with excuses or become guarded and you never learn the real problem they have.

How To Ask the Right Sales Questions Instead

Instead of asking a “Why” question, try asking “How” or “What” questions. These are more open-ended and give the person a chance to talk about their experience without feeling like you’re questioning their past. This means you’ll be less likely to evoke a defensive response and more likely to encourage open, productive dialogue.

For instance, instead of asking, “Why did your team fail in its last bidding process?” try asking “How do you think your team failed in its last bidding process?” or “What do you think caused your team to fail in its last bidding process?”

You may consider all of these questions the same, but the way you frame them really matters in the game of micro agreements. Micro agreements are the small but crucial steps that lead to a bigger commitment. By asking “How” and “What” questions, you facilitate these agreements more effectively.

“How” and “What” questions don’t carry the same accusatory tone as “Why” questions, so the prospect is less likely to feel defensive. These questions also require more thoughtful and detailed answers, providing you with deeper insights.

Remember, in sales, your goal is to gather information and build trust, not to make your prospect feel like they are under scrutiny. Never forget that this is intelligence gathering not an interrogation.